waiting

I'm obsessed with picnik can you tell?



which is better?(make an assessment)

I hope your new year was grand. I don't make reslutions often but this year mine is to be more open. What are yours?

new

We are so different

Why do I have to be young

why do you have to be old

neither of us knows life well

when it gets right down to it

we are both so young
we are both so wrong

we are so headstrong





Why do I have to be impatient
why do you have to be hyper
none of it means anything
when it gets right down to it
I am so obsesive
you are so oblivious
we are so original



Why do I have to be the newbie
why do you have to teach me
next time we'll be lost again
when it gets right down to it
we are both so fresh
we are both so rash
we are so posh



Why do I have to be wrong
why do you have to be right
never have two be so different
when it gets right down to it
I am so uncomplaining
you are so unassuming
we are so unsure







old

Spots and Stripes


the tears fall to the ground
as you look at me in disgust
and say it will never change
i will never be different
and how can it ever end
if its just the way i am

a leopard cant change its spots
a zebra always has is stripes
i am tied to my fickle heart
how can i be anything
anything but alone
if i cant ever change


but you are wrong, this time
for one i can change my ways
and me and the leopard and zebra
well cast off our patterns
and live our lives freely
i just need to meet one



sorry it wasnt you


Bright Red

cold wind
against my face
my arm
meets the door
i trip
a teasing smile
fast pluse
mixed up words
soft touch
a shared glance




for such dark skin
you blush an awful lot

Can't wait

Jealous yet? Well I'm spending 3 months in the country shown above. Its Austria!!!!! More specifically Vienna, with 2 weeks in the Alps!!! If you can't tell I'm just a little excited! Its going to cost me an arm and a leg, but its so worth it!

I'm also really excited for break! 2 glorious weeks of no homework, or school period and I get to spend it in one of my favorite places MD! Just one week of classes a paper a video and 5 finals to go.....no sweat, well a test in German too but really who counts that?

New

face meet bangs

bangs meet clip

i win.

door meet arm

arm meet bruise

i lose.

boy meet girl

girl meet bliss

i win.

Old

Running Away

the smudged black eyeliner

kind of looks like bruising

breath harder

run faster

reality is catching up to you

clammy hands

goose bump legs

it feels like a fever

and looks like a crush

soon you'll see what it really is

its the realization

that you failed again

that you hurt someone else

as your attention turns

to someone new

its the reaction

to the harsh remark

that you'll get bored soon

that it will never be the last time

its the way you are

its the hope you feel

that this is the end

but you cant help but wonder

if youll break someone new

if you cant ever change.

Push harder

run father

dont ever look back

maybe its possible to

ignore reality.

Long day

New

People Watching
That man that was
trying to be
invisable
just beggd me
to look at him
in his blue shirt
and blue jeans
the bag in his hand
with the dark blue
design
seemingly bright
next to his
dark countanance
looking down
with a bag on his back
of the backpack variety
i simply stared
to see if he'd look up


the girl with
the bare feet
mockingly
looked at me
with her book
and turquiose turtleneck
because i sat there
doing nothing
i dont like to leave that much
mess visable in a
public area
or take off my shoes
maybe flip flops
but not flats



the lady with the
marrie calandar dinner
caught me
looking at her,
but i couldnt help
glancing back whenever
she wasnt looking
it was discusting
yet fasinating
as she stirred
her potatos with
her finger
and scooped them
into her mouth
maybe it was the supreme
look of joy
on her face after
each bite
i couldnt help thinking
if i had brought that
id have brought
a fork.

it ammused me that
he had a slimfast
as i stood there
to nuke my burger
since he was
standing there
waiting to put in
a hot pocket
but then
i couldnt help overhearing
him telling
the missus
it was chocolate milk
so he actually likes
that crap?
well the irony is still
pleasing.

Old

Faulty Surgeon

I never saw his degree
And he wasn't very nice
I guess I was desperate
Tired of being made of ice.

He didn't put me under
He didn't have a nurse,
But I laid down anyways
Like I was falling into a curse.

He said we'd have to insert coal
Melt me from the inside
He said I'd feel better,
But I'm pretty sure he lied.

A knife was placed in my hand
Told to tear the flesh apart
With sudden horror I realized
I was slicing open my own heart.

He placed the white-hot coal
And quickly took a needle to my skin
Now I have an ugly scar
And a harsh burning within.

Now I feel everything
No longer made of ice,
But I'm not sure if it was worth it,
These feelings aren't very nice.

lifes good

New


i sit
staring at the screen
in fuzzy slippers
and thermals
and all i can do
is think of you

A chance
It's five A.M.
and I cant sleep
because your still awake
and talking to me
i want to lay my head
on your shoulder
take your hand
softly in mine
dont want to scare
you off
dont want to push
you away
before i get the chance
to sleep the day away
in your arms


Old
Assuming Grape Juice
Here i am again
a lone cup
of grape juice
in a room full
of wine.

Just sitting listening
to the laughter
and debauchery.
Receiving cup
after cup
of grape juice,

politely smiling...
suddenly I find myself
in a room full
of grape juice
talking to
the lone cup
of wine.

Just sitting listening
to the laughter
and debauchery.
Receiving cup
after cup
of grape juice

politely smiling...
and I wonder
who decided
i like grape juice
because honestly
orange juice
is better.



Here is some stuff I did in German

Möwe
stark, schön
fliegen, erlösen, tauchen
mit einer freier Seele
Wasservogel







Gift

Er sagt
"Ich habe Gift fur dich"
und ich spricht kein deutsch
so ich habe nicht verstanden
Ich denke
"oh dass ist schön, ein geschank"
wird dass schön wenn tot ich bin?
Verstandnis habe ich alles gemöcht.



This one actually came from something that happens as I walk to work
Lamp Post
Walking
after dark
towards the campus
that lamp post
used to turn
on for me
just as I came up
it would
flicker into life
I thought it
was my ally
that it predicted
good things ahead
so I should
have been
on my guard when
it stopped
turning on

Now when
I approach
it flickers off
it makes my heart
drop to see
its like
losing hope
losing a good
friend
losing the guiding
force
now i walk alone
in the dark
so alone
so cold
without my ally


life changes
i step briskly
up the street
the lamp post
flickers on
i lift my eyes
upward
filled
with hope

Can't sleep

Its about five in the morning but my schedule keeps me up late a lot so I'm not tired, even though I really will be when my dad picks me up at 10 tomorrow. Good thing Lindsey told me I could come get a Dr. Pepper I'm really going to need the caffeine! Well since I can't sleep I decided to compile a list of things that make me happy right now and true to blogging form its complete with pictures. I really suggest that if you are feeling down you do this it makes you very grateful for all the little things in life a good thing to be on thanksgiving!

My new Taylor Swift CD(I changed the cover to a better picture) Also the websites Playlist and Pandora, they let me listen to a lot of fun music. I also like that you can see my shadow while taking this picture.

My Halloween costume-i was a warlocks bride. It was so fun to get dressed up even though my only activity was the German party that day.

This is a really odd picture of the can that had the chips my mom sent me(my Internet connections really weird so pictures I upload are often really odd-but I'm feeling to lazy to fix everything again after uploading another picture) These are my favorite chips but you can only get them out on the east coast, it was so awesome having some even if they are all gone now.

Junk food, I know what they say about the freshman 15...or 30 however much it is now but so far I haven't gained any weight(knock on wood) but my junk food makes me very happy.

The lamp my sister gave to me, it makes it so I don't have to get out of my really really tall bed to turn off the lamp switch and then stub my toes on the way back to bed.

My phone-its fun to play with and has a good camera, it helps me keep in touch with everyone and I play tetris on it when I'm bored.

My BYU id-odd thing to make you happy but it gets me everything! My meal plans on it, I use it to do laundry, to get into tests(not so happy) discounts on school events.

My blanket, its really warm and soft.

Chapstick! Its sooooo dry here, I used to only sometimes use chapstick in the winter-now I always have it on me.

This is a German book I bought this summer the title means without you everything is stupid. It makes me smile everytime I see it I really love the sheep!

My books! I don't know what I'd do without them true to tradition I'm still a major bookworm.

My shoes. My converses and vans are so fun. My vans are great for work because they are comfy and keep my feet dry. I also love my new rain boots which are admittedly really large children's shoes but they fit and are so cute!

Method soap-my hands always smell great because of it, it also reminds me of my sister who bought it for our bathroom last year.

As it is Thanksgiving I'd just like to list more things I'm thankful for:

My Sister and Brother-in-law, Beths always taken care of me and made me feel like a super star I'm thankful for T.J. not only because he's there to take care of one of the most important people to me but because he's totally awesome!

My mom, shes a trooper and she shows to me that it will never be too late for me to figure out what I want to do in life, it doesn't make me mind that it might take me 30 years to figure it out.

My dad, hes awesome even though he teases me a lot, he makes sure I have everything I need and puts up with me.

My Cat hagrid! he's gorgeous and selfish and mean this I know, but it's part of what I like about him. I will admit I also miss that scalawag Rocky he's nice to cuddle with.

Spell check....honestly my spelling sucks! and I never capitalize words, I keep having to go back and change i to I..

The Vests-yes I'm thankful for this entire family, even the annoying parts. Its so weird having not seen them in so long, I can't wait for christmas so I can see Leah and talk to Mama Vest and Bishop and the others too. They have been a big part of my life since I was little, their house feels like home to me-its a place to go when I have no where else, I'm always welcome and for that I am truely thankful

My friends, the old ones that have seen me at the worst of times and are so happy for me that I've been happier and the new ones that don't know me as well but make me not mind being in Utah.

Books, Music, Pens, Food, Juice(cran-raspberry to be more specific), Electronics, Post-it notes, My Piggy-bank, the Internet, My roommates, Having Money, Getting an Education, Hearing Babies Laugh, Speaking German, Inside Jokes, Polka dots, Stripes, Bright Colors, Poetry, Cliques, Irony, Retro Luggage, Pretty Eyes, Anthologies, Pillows, My Grandma, Magnets, Ice cream, Flowers, Europe, Freedom along with my Agency.

I have so much to be thankful for this year and sometimes I for get it but I really need not to, it helps keep the world in perspective. The amazing people in my life keep me anchored you have no idea what I'd be like without you all.

Bordom

Hey! Don't know if I'll tell anyone I've created a blog, but its the first day of thanksgiving break and I have nothing to do untill work. To explain the name everyone calls me something like Anniekins, Annabelle, Annakin so I decided to make it simpler with Anne-something i.e. Anne-iekins. And since I never actually use the symbols without writing it out i.e. dash - or slash/ period. No this blog will not be well known but it will give me a place to put things like my poetry and random edited photos without boring everyone on facebook. So to start here are some of my favorites:



The circus we don't see

Walking on a tightrope
with no net underneath
just a bunch of broken bottles
waiting to slice my skin
panting from the distance
I see you waiting on the other side
finally fully realizing
I've been climbing towards you
I see you standing there
still trying to make up your mind
if you want me to finish the cross
or fail and fall into the depths
the wire cuts into my bare feet
leaving a gruesome trail behind
when I'm nearly close enoughto touch
I slip, I fall [I fail] like always
somehow caught the wire on the way down
so now I hang looking at you in desperation
blood trickling down my wrists
the pain almost to much to bear
but then again the bottles would be worse
wouldn't they?
so I'll wait for you to decide
to let me fall or lift me up
honestly if you decide the former
the physical cuts and bruises will be nothing
compared to all the damage youd cause
so I stare up at youlet you take your time
to reach for me [or turn away]







she tryS to climb
slowly rEaching up
taking it stEp by step

she feels the Movement is slow
she rushEs now, the end is near


have to Finish
have to Acheive
have to Live, and cant
Let go




Reminders
it feels like his chap stick
on your lips
slightly abused
and oh so used.
a lingering reminder
of the most difficult memory
of your short life.
heart racing
tears falling
you realize
you've done it again,
allowed him to control you,
and you can't seem to let go
because even
with the tears
it was one of
the sweetest moments,
and you know he's with her

but you also know
you'll know no better feeling
than his chap stick on your lips
and his cologne on your shirt.




This is just a start, I'll put up more old as I put up the new. Hopefully you'll be able to see how I've progressed. I might also occasionally put up things about me. For now I'll leave you with I'm Anne I live in Maryland, but am temporarily placed in Provo while I attend Brigham Young University.