Ok so I hate the rain, I hate being wet so the two things kind of go hand in hand. Seriously when I had to introduce myself at our weekly meeting here one of the things I said was I hate the rain and never go anywhere without my umbrella. This morning as I went outside for my morning walk/jog...ok more walk/jog/walk there is very little jogging involved...it was raining. At first I thought that maybe I should just head back inside I wasn't feeling all that great anyways. But then I realized that the rain on my skin felt good like from back when I was little and just ran around in the rain because it felt good. So I started my walk and didn't really end up going that far because well yeah it was raining. But I ended up just full out running for the last block and let me tell you it felt good. Heart pounding feet meeting with the earth and moving forward , it all just felt good. Going up the stairs my legs felt like jelly and that felt good too. As did getting ready for school eating breakfast and going to school, which included more walking in the rain. I forgot how good it feels to just make yourself happy. I just wish I could have held on to it for a little bit longer. I forgot how much I do sweat the little stuff and how much I notice everything and over anaylize everything. Even when I tell myself not too when I tell myself to get over it. I still do a little, and it still hurts underneath it all. I'm remembering that going far away means that everyone forgets about you. That being insecure means I don't trust anything to last. Right now I'm just feeling done and I want to rant and rave and cry and scream, but it wouldn't do anyone any good. With my mind being pissed and my heart being sad I'm kind of a mess. But as soon as I get busy I forget all about it and learn to live again. Maybe I just need to chuck my computer out the window-so I have no way to look back. Dispite my little rant right here Im actually really happy mornings are just weird I'm alone and bored and I've finished all my homework so theres nothing to keep me busy. If you'll excuse me I think I'm going to go dance in the rain and get that feeling back.
Oh also I'm in the market for another hoodie since I didn't realize it'd be so cold and they seem moraly opposed to them here(at least I can't find any) So any one want to send me one I will bring you back chocolate.Operngasse 4 A-1010 Wien(its the place I take classes but we can get mail here.)
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