Have you noticed when you don't feel good you don't actually want to do anything that would make you feel better?
Things like exercising talking getting out.
Ok so I didn't know I was going to be in Istanbul for a month until I got to Germany...so lets check I moved to Germany which probably means I want to see things in Germany. Not travel around Istanbul. Its a beautiful city and an interesting mix of east and west, but I have no desire to see Istanbul. I especially have no desire to spend money on seeing things in the city.
I would like to use that money to go see friends go other places in Germany...or western Europe. Not go around a city I don't care about. And generally going out and doing stuff in a place where you know no one and don't even speak the language means spending money and lots of it to do touristy stuff. I don't usually like being touristy.
So if you know me you'll think this isn't true--but if you only know me a little you will be able to see this. I have a pathological need to be extremely polite. Which means if I don't know you there is a large possibility you have no idea what I'm thinking. I'll never be bored, never be hungry, never refuse anything offered to me(unless its something I don't have because of religious reasons) thats the whole reason I couldn't stick with the vegetarian thing--I hate to inconvenience people
Another thing. I don't eat that much. I just don't. I actually worked very hard to shrink the size of my stomach so I wouldn't eat that much. I'm not unhealthy I'm not starving I'm skinny. And thats the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it. SO I would appreciate it if you didn't put more food on my plate. If you didn't insist I try some of everything. The reason I didn't take any is because I don't want any. I like being obnoxiously skinny. I like being a size 2. But if you do things like not exercise and eat a lot of chocolate because you're unhappy, its possible you will stop being a size 2.
Being the extremely self-critical person I am it's not something I'm ready to accept. Just like I'll probably never think I'm pretty, and I'll never like to have people just listen to me sing...and I mean really sing. I'm never afraid to be who I am. I don't believe in guilty pleasures because I never want to feel guilty about being myself so I don't hide much, if people like me for who I am at first they will like me for it later. Pretending is too hard. Yeah I may get louder as you get to know me but I'm the same dork you met.
People keep saying I'm really brave going off on my own like this, that I'm taking on adventure. And yeah I'll be honest I am trying to find where I belong where I'll really be happy where I fit in. But mostly I feel like a coward I'm running away and I don't even know what from.
word to the wise:If you run away; think about what you have to leave behind first.
Still glad I came, still know I'm supposed to be here. Too bad I was forced to come to Istanbul if I was here on vacation with a friend I could really like it. The city is fun and I get to walk by the water everyday. but I don't like being alone. Shopping walking thinking alone gets old fast if there is no company to break it up.
Anne Katherine
and on another note: what is with all of these girls younger than me and my age getting married and having babies I'm only 19 I should have at least 3 years before this becomes common!!!!!
random facts(should this be a postly(thats so a word) contribution?)
-I hate wearing shoes
-its going against my nature to have punctuation inside the parentheses
-I hate that word
-I have a habit of forgetting to eat
-I dare you to forget to eat in a house of bossy Turkish women.
- I hate sunglasses
-I don't like to wear make-up or do my hair
-I want a nightgown.
quote(this too?)
"Greek girls do not lose their pants"
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